Could you close that window? I think I feel a Draft in here...

To the right are my friend Danny (playing the role of David Stern) and I, celebrating me being selected by the New York Knicks with the 61st pick overall. Seriously, though, I wouldn't have been that bad of a pick for the Knicks compared to the selection of Ronaldo Balkman at #20. I can't really even get that pissed about it cause I knew it would happen. I know Isaiah has been a good drafter, but he is in full-on sabotage mode right now. Anyways, my take on the draft:

THE WINNERS

Chicago: Tyrus Thomas will be great. The tourney was no fluke, and watch for his jumper to develop. The fact they were able to make the trade with Portland and pick up a player just to get the guy they wanted anyway is icing on the cake. Plus a black guy with cornrows from Switzerland has to be sweet.

Houston: Trading Rudy Gay for Shane Battier, despite what the analysts say, is a great move. Battier would've been the #1 pick in this shitty draft. Besides, you already have T-Mac on your team, and you can't have more than one player on your roster who doesn't care about anything. Unless you're Miami, I guess.

Portland: A little stupid with the trades, but if you end up with LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy, that can't be a bad draft.

THE LOSERS

Toronto: If you have the #1 pick in the draft and you end up with a skinny Euro who averages 10 points and 7 rebounds a game, you're brutal. They also broke my rule of never draft a player who plays with hair gel in his hair. I bet of their selections, PJ Tucker becomes more valuable to them. We'll see.

New York: What can you say? I can't wait to start cheering for Knick losses this year.

Seattle: Saer Sene, Denham Brown, Yotam Helperin. Suh-weet.

SLEEPERS:

Quincy Douby, Shannon Brown, Dee Brown, PJ Tucker, Craig Smith

GUYS WHO PEOPLE THINK ARE GOOD BUT REALLY SUCK:

Andrea Bargnini, Josh Boone, Rudy Gay, Cedric Simmons

HOW DID THEY GET DRAFTED? CAN I GET DRAFTED?

Paul Davis, James Augustine, Steve Novak, Will Blalock

HOW DID THEY NOT GET DRAFTED?

Mike Gansey, Taquan Dean

AREN'T YOU HAPPY YOU CAME OUT EARLY FOR THIS?

Daniel Gibson, Thomas Gardner, Curtis Stinson, Darius Washington

OK that's enough bashing of guys who are way better than me at basketball. Props to the Sox for cheering Pedro, then shelling him. 11 in a row. Tomorrow it's off to Morris, Minnesota to see Chelsey and Mike tie the knot. Let's dust off the ol' dancin' shoes.

You're still my boy, Pedro

Tonight marks the return of Pedro Martinez to Fenway Park, the first time he's pitched there since the 2004 World Series. It has been tough watching him the last year and a half in a Mets uniform, especially since he has resurrected a career that seemed to be sputtering late in that 2004 season. It was a tough situation for the Sox after that year. The money Pedro wanted, combined with his mediocre (by his standards) stats that year, made it a fairly easy decision to let him go. In retrospect, now, it doesn't seem like the right move. Granted, the National League is much easier to pitch in (see: Bronson Arroyo), but if this Pedro had shown up in 2004, he would still be in the red and white.

Boston radio stations have been calling for fans to boo Pedro tonight, and if they do, I will watch every Red Sox game on mute for the rest of my life so I wouldn't have to hear those idiots in the stands. This isn't a Johnny Damon situation. Pedro wanted more money, yes, and he probably didn't deserve it, but the Sox slapped him in the face by refusing him an extension in 2003, then giving Schilling a huge contract. Would you stick around? Plus, as Pedro himself put it, Johnny "went to the wrong uniform." Pedro did what was best for him, Johnny did what would spite the Red Sox the most. Pedro didn't turn traitor, he just signed with another team. I am firmly in the camp of keeping people around after a championship, which is why it has been tough watching guys such as Pedro, Kevin Millar, Derek Lowe, Orlando Cabrera, Bill Mueller, Dave Roberts go these last couple of years. The Sox are to blame for some of these moves, but in the other cases, the players had to do what was best for themselves.

It didn't break my heart at the time when we lost Pedro, but now, 2 years later, his loss hurts more than the others. He was the emotional catalyst for this team. Schilling and Ortiz may have taken his place as the leaders, but Pedro was the one who got everyone fired up. Before Pedro arrived, the Sox were a dull, uninspired team for the most part. Pedro had a large role in enticing both Manny and Ortiz to the team, and then lit a fire under everyone's asses all year long. Whether it was starting a bench clearing brawl against the Devil Rays in April by beaning the leadoff man, then throwing a no-hitter for the last 8 2/3 innings; telling Jorge Posada he was going to throw at his head; or throwing down a 70 year old bench coach later in that same game, Pedro didn't take shit from anybody, and installed that attitude with everyone. He was the idiot before the Sox were known as the idiots.

So to the moron Boston talk show hosts, the same ones who wanted everyone to cheer Johnny Damon, I will be giving Pedro a standing ovation tonight. Maybe I will boo you.

The tragic history of "Jim Championships"

After suffering the misery of the U.S. Open and the elation of Miami winning the finals in the span of 52 hours, I started reflecting on all the NBA Finals (and sports finals in general) that I have watched, and the lack of times that my teams have won, also known as "Jim Championships."

I started going through my teams' histories since I started following them, and it wasn't pretty.

College hoops, Kansas Jayhawks, since 1991: 0 titles, 2 heartbreaking title game losses, 2 final four losses, 4 early round exits as a high seed.

Golf, Phil Mickelson, since 1997: 3 majors, 5 2nds in majors.

NBA, New York Knicks, since 1991: 0 titles, 2 finals losses (one in a game 7), many tough losses to MJ and the Bulls.

MLB, Boston Red Sox, since 2000: really only the devestating 2003 ALCS scarred me, which was more than made up for by the greatest comeback in the history of sports in 2004. My team before that, the Cleveland Indians, had the blown game 7 in the 1997 World Series, and the 1995 World Series loss.

NFL, Houston Oilers/Tennessee Titans, since 1989: 0 titles, 1 Super Bowl loss, many choke jobs in the playoffs by the Oilers.

I could count the 1993 shared national championship by the Florida St. football team, because I was diehard back then, but I no longer follow college football, so that title doesn't really mean much to me anymore.

So if you're scoring at home, that's 0-16 in college basketball with 4 heartbreakers, 3-38 in golf with 5 heartbreakers, 0-16 in the NBA with 4 heartbreakers, 1-17 in MLB with 3 heartbreakers, and 0-18 in the NFL with 4 heartbreakers. Not a good track record. Plus all 4 Jim Championships came in 2004 and after, so this was a really sorry record before then.

Then I decided to break it down even further. Not only do my teams never win, but the team I am cheering for out of the actual participants rarely wins, either. I didn't include golf in this one.

College hoops, since 1991: 6-16 (Arkansas '94, Arizona '97, UCONN '99, Michigan St. '00, UCONN '04, Florida '06)

NBA, since 1991: 2-16 (Detroit '04, Miami '06)

NFL, since 1989: 5-18 (San Francisco '94, Denver '98, New England '02, Tampa Bay '03, Pittsburgh '06)

MLB, since 1989: 3-15* (Minnesota '91, Arizona '01, Boston '04) *I would count '03 when Florida beat the Yankees, but I pretend the 2003 World Series never happened.

So there it is, a combined 16-65 (19-103 including golf.) I hereby proclaim myself most snakebitten sports fan ever. I challenge you to tally up your own and find worse. I'll be in my bedroom crying.