Football Picks, Internet K-Hole

I would've put my picks down last week, but was too lazy/balls deep in The Wire, which is probably the greatest show in TV history. I went 3-1 on spreads, missing on the Bengals (and I've successfully convinced myself, when I lay in bed at night thinking about my missed bets, that if just two plays in that game went differently, a 21-point Bengals loss would've actually been a win, so that's nice).....and 0-4 on over/unders. Not a good weekend for over/unders, but then again I've never been very good at those.

Saints (-3.5) over 49ERS

I'm betting on the Saints until they don't cover; they're a MACHINE right now. However, even though there's a terrible chance at it happening, I do have $5, at 25-1 odds, that the 49ers win the NFC. I love longshot bets; they are easily the most fun when they hit. I made that bet when the Niners were 3-1, and I thought 'hey, they're probably going to win their crappy division, get a 2 seed and a first round bye, and then all they have to do is sneak out a home victory and pull off a miracle against (probably) Green Bay.' At 25-1? I love that bet. Especially for only 5 bucks. It looks a lot worse now, since the Saints and Packers look like the two best teams in the league by far, but whaddya want for 25-1? I can't complain. (Side note: If anyone wants to hop on my longshot baseball bet for 2012, it's Cleveland to win the AL at 30-1. Those are ridiculously high odds for a decently talented team playing in a wide-open division. Get to the baseball playoffs and anything can happen.)

PATRIOTS (-13.5) over Broncos

I'm mildly terrified to bet against Tebow at this point, but I think last week was their Super Bowl. They'll have a little bit of a "Just happy to be here!" glow (similar to the look on Noles' face when he was dancing with a random girl from our high school on the coffee table at Culligan) and the Patriots will beat it right off of their faces. They've got a few years of playoff frustration to take out on them (did you know the Pats haven't won a playoff game since the AFC Championship game in January 2008? In Will Ferrell Elf voice: "That's shocking.")

PACKERS (-8) over Giants

I seriously have no clue about the Giants. Ever. This goes back for my entire gambling career. In 2006, I predicted they'd win the Super Bowl, then watched them barely make the playoffs. If you exclude our March Madness Vegas trip in 2006, I've never lost more money gambling in a single month than in January 2008, when Eli fucking Manning won three straight road playoff games, then beat the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl. Fuckin' a regular Staubach, over there. This year, I don't know if I've picked one of their games correctly. I said my lock of the year was for the under on the 9.5 wins over/under pick, watched in horror as they started 6-2 (killing multiple teasers and parlays along the way) breathed easy when they lost four in a row, then barely squeaked out a win when they finished 9-7. Not what you're looking for on your "lock of the year" bet. So before last week's game, I decided to go George Costanza with the G-men, and do the opposite of what I actually think. I thought the Falcons could cover, so I went with the Giants....and they won by 22 points. So I'm sticking with the Costanza pick this week. I think the Giants could keep this one close....ipso facto, Go Pack Go!

RAVENS (-7.5) over Texans

I don't particulary like either of these teams. Normally the rule is to take the points when in doubt, but I just can't get behind a rookie 5th-round QB on the road against one of the best defense/crowd combos in the NFL. I think both the Saints and Packers would beat either of these teams by a couple of touchdowns, for what it's worth.

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Allow me to introduce you to a website that was brought into my life by Kyle: the Internet K-hole. It's strangely captivating to see all these totally random pictures from previous decades. It's not totally safe for the work though; every 50 pictures or so, some nudity gets slipped in. Just adds to the weirdness of the site. It's like playing duck-duck-goose with nudey pics......Normal, normal, normal, BOOBS! Normal, normal, normal, normal, PENIS! Also, if you're gonna troll through it, having a soundtrack for yourself is essential. For example, every time Kyle gets his K-hole on, he blasts the Shaft theme song. As for me, I'm partial to 'Stranglehold' by Ted Nugent. You gotta get into the right frame of mind for the K-hole, son.

What I Think About During Songs. Volume 4.

On my ipod, I have a pretty large collection of music that most people would consider 'crap.' Hanson, the Spice Girls, Bel Biv Devoe, BLACKstreet, Kris Kross, Bryan Adams, C+C Music Factory, Digital Underground, Technotronic, Ace of Base, Tone Loc, etc. etc. etc....it's a sizeable list. I enjoy most of those one-hit wonder type of songs not only for the reasons that most people enjoy pop music, but also because of random memories that those songs remind me of.

So it was following that line of thinking that inspired me to download Big & Rich's 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy' the other day. It reminds me of the era shortly after we all turned 21, and of going to WeFest a couple times despite hating country music***, and even of when they would play this song at El Roco, right in the middle of a block of 15 hip-hop songs, and watching all the black guys from the Air Force Base clear off the dance floor and sneer at us as we attempted to two-step (which I know in my case constituted grabbing an imaginary belt buckle, tipping an imaginary cowboy hat in different directions, and mostly high-stepping in place, all while trying not to spill the pitcher that I was drinking straight out of-- if you actually poured your beer into a glass at El Roco, you were a sucker.) Definitely some fond memories there.

But upon downloading the song, I listened to it twice, cringed quite a few times, and immediately deleted it from my ipod. I couldn't believe how bad it was.





The point: if not even I can tolerate your shitty pop song after not hearing it for years and being excited to wallow in its memories.....then you know you've made a truly shitty pop song.


***My standing rule during WeFest: if just ONE person out of our camping group agreed to stay back at the campsite with me and drink, then I wouldn't attend the concert going on at that time. Over a couple years, I think I went to 3 out of 24 concerts total-- and believe me, those 3 times, I seriously debated staying at the campsite and continuing to get sauced by myself over trekking to the main concert area to not listen to shitty country music.

FOTOS DE MICHEL TELO

FOTOS E IMAGENES DE MICHEL TELO

Fotos de Michel Teló - Cantante, músico, bailarín y compositor brasileño, nació el 21 de Enero de 1989

Michel Teló con tan sólo 6 años comenzó a estudiar música y ha formado parte de otras formaciones como Grupo Tradição (vocalista por 11 años)

Michel Teló cantando

Michel Teló comenzó a trabajar como solista desde 2008 dando mucho que hablar en su país por sus éxitos en varias canciones como "Ei, Psiu! Beijo Me Liga", "Fugidinha", entre otros

Michel Teló toca casi siempre el acordeón, pero también sabe tocar la harmónica y la guitarra

Michel Teló posando con su acordión

Michel Teló ahora no solo es conocido en su país por sus canciones sino también fuera de ella gracias a su canción que ha sido un éxitazo "Ai se eu te pego" y que ahora es bailada por muchos

Michel Teló mandando un beso a sus fans
Fuente: Imágenes google
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