'South Park' Recap: "T.M.I."

Welcome back, Wednesday warriors, to our regularly scheduled hang-out! Last week, we took on the Royal Wedding courtesy of Canada and battled the fell influence of Tooth Decay. This week, we measure our own junk and deal with our anger management problems. Don't let anybody tell you South Park isn't contributing to your well-rounded education. Let the summary commence!
Butters opens this episode with an awesome story about the Terminator and Skeletor. Only Skeletor is Maria Shriver.
And then Cartman shows up and loses his freakin' mind. Apparently, following a mandatory physical, the school has published the size of every South Park student's weiner on the bulletin board for all to see. We learn right away that what the school has posted is actually the amount by which the students' heights have changed since last time they were measured.
To protest the school's actions, Cartman demands that each South Park dude have his John Thomas re-measured. He personally conducts the research himself, but neglects to take his own... er, dimensions. He claims he already measured it (it's somewhere around 13 inches) but nobody buys it.
Cartman publishes his new findings, which lands him in the principal's office. Cartman berates the principal, but she explains herself, sharing the truth about the height differential measurements.
Cartman's mom takes him to an anger management therapist, who tests his rage limits by insulting him about his weight to his face. Cartman plays it cool... then apparently frames the guy for seducing children over the Internet and causes his wife to commit suicide? Cartman's villainous comment on the subject: "I'm not fat. I'm big boned."
The school administration convenes the parents of South Park to explain the spreading misconception about the posted measurements. Randy, as a scientist, offers to help the students understand. He tells South Park that their math is a bit off, explaining that the real way to measure a man's naked weapon is to multiply length by width and then carry out a number of other calculations that include girth, weight, angle of tip... A protractor is required to get the full effect.
Men of Ology, you know you are going to try this once the episode is over. (No need to make your results public).
Anger management class now includes a raging Asian waiter, a Tea Party diehard, one of the goth kids, a white gangster, and a crew-cut bravo dude.
Randy's adjusted penis length scale--the T.M.I. scale--exists pretty much to make him feel better. It works wonders!
Anger management team goes through some roleplaying scenarios and discovers that everyone's enduring rage has, as its most basic foundation, an insecurity about reproductive plumbing. Hmm.
An actual doctor of human sexuality and behavior arrives at South Park to advance her own version of the T.M.I. formula. Randy arrives to beat down this heretic and gets thrown into anger management himself. He quickly sets about burning sh*t. Randy's example ignites a revolt in anger management class, which soon coalesces into the "Pissed Off and Angry Party." This new political movement takes out its rage on Federal Express, assuming that FedEx is affiliated with the government somehow.
Butters' mom walks in on her son in the middle of a startling transformation into an angry young man. He joins the growing Pissed Off and Angry Movement, due to his doubts about his own masculinity.
The government response takes shape--"Is someone standing by to f*** that little boy Kyle?" Meanwhile, the anger management dude arrives to explain the connection between T.M.I. and anger problems. The Surgeon General then shows up on TV to announce that from now on, all T.M.I. numbers above 1.5 inches will be considered "above average." This announcement immediately causes all the angry protesters to break out in song and declare that America is back. Cartman stays angry, due to his inferior wang, but everybody else remains psyched.