28

I've been 28 years old for around 15 hours now and I already hate it. Mentally I still feel like I'm 13 or 14. Will I EVER stop playing Super Nintendo and Sega? How long until it's officially creepy that I think Selena Gomez and other Disney stars are hot? And physically I feel like I'm around 60. Don't let anyone ever tell you that back injuries are easy to recover from. I played pickup basketball last night for the first time in a while, and when games were done I just collapsed and laid there like Eight Belles.

I don't care about my birthday at all, and I never really have. I don't like having presents given to me, or special things done for me, or being the center of attention. I don't hate my birthday, I'm not the Grinch stealing Christmas or anything, I think it's just another day. I scheduled a dentist appointment for this morning, nobody could understand that. Plus I just don't like announcing it to everyone. Word got out around the office today, and then I was taking crap for not telling anyone it was my bday, but what am I gonna do, stroll in with a t-shirt that says it's my birthday, everyone come look at me? Plus I'm just feeling especially old today. Only two more years until 30? No thanks.

A bunch of the kids in the two-year-old classroom made me a birthday card (our offices are in a schoolhouse that is part of the organization.) Within three minutes, I had dropped it behind a giant file cabinet/shelf thing in my office. It is now gone forever, there's no way I'm moving that monstrosity. Hopefully the kids forgot they even made it for me.

The only two birthdays I've ever anticipated and properly enjoyed were 18 (I think I spent my first six weekends after turning 18 in the Shooting Star Casino) and 21 (no more running from the cops or pouring booze down the drain at parties.) One of my favorite games in college was Paul and I would try and get drunker than the birthday boy on each other's birthdays. It was an impressive feat, what with all the free shots the actual birthday boy would be taking. I'm happy to say that almost every year, we both succeeded. I miss college.

It works out nicely now because my friend CK's birthday is the 4th, so she has the official party for herself, and I slip under the radar and manage to squeak by with only a few unwanted shots. Here's what we were discussing the other night: when was the last time, if ever, you were excited to take a shot? Like someone walked up to you and handed you a shot and you were like "Yayyyyyyy, this is just what I felt like drinking right now! This beer was getting gross, I totally wanted to mix in some tequila right about now!" I think I've been grimacing at every shot that's been handed to me since about 2004.

Really, the only thing I want for my birthday is Brady Morningstar to bring back the baggy undershirt look tonight for the UCLA game. That would make my whole year.

I just wrote this stream-of-consciousness style and it took like three minutes. Nice. Might have to keep banging them out quick like that. That's what she said.