Broken Glass Everywhere...If It Ain't About The Money, Puff, I Just Don't Care

>> Historic milestone yesterday at Cici's Pizza, as Lane and I have now officially eaten more pizza buffets as a duo than anyone else in history. We are the John Stockton and Karl Malone of pizza buffets. It's been a hell of a run, going back to our days at Happy Joe's when Lane had the hook-up, and we would routinely get our names on the billboard and go there after class every day all week (for those who are unaware, getting your name on the Happy Joe's billboard meant free buffets all week long. Lane knew someone who worked there, and during one memorable stretch, convinced her to put his name, then my name, then his middle name, then my middle name up there in consecutive weeks, and we ate free pizza for a month.) I celebrated the honor today by eating 19 pieces of cheesy bread. Here's to many more years of 6,000 calorie lunches with you, Lane.


>> The highlight of my Saturday night last weekend took place in the bathroom at the bar (no homo.) All the urinals were in use, so I was peeing in the stall, and I was balancing my pint of beer on the flusher of the toilet- a little move I've pulled off dozens of times with no incident. Well, on this night fate was not smiling on me. After a few seconds of standing upright, the glass started wobbling, then slowly sliding (while I watched it slide, I was doing my best Cleveland from Family Guy impression) and finally WHAMMO! Glass flying everywhere, and everyone else in the bathroom was yelling "Ohhhhhhh" in that voice you use when anyone breaks anything in a public place. Personally, I would've started an "It's all your fault!" chant, but it was all MY fault, so I couldn't do anything but laugh. As the largest piece of glass rolls into the stall next to me, I hear a surprised voice yell "What the hell?!?" And after I finish up and exit the stall, laughing and high-fiving the dudes in line (don't worry, I washed my hands, bro) who do you think comes out of the stall next to me? The starting point guard for your 2008 National Champion Kansas Jayhawks, at 6'3" 195 lbs., from New York, NEWWWW YOOOOORRRRK, Russell Robinson!!! He gave me a dirty look and I shrugged sheepishly. In case I haven't mentioned this lately, I love living here.

>> Speaking of living here, tonight I will be attending my 13th Royals game since I moved down. KC's record in the previous twelve: 0-12. I don't even know how that's possible. I'm no mathmetician, but the odds of this statistical anamoly are not good. It's to the point now where I'm cheering for the Royals on the outside- because I'm not gonna be a douche and openly cheer against them, unless the Sox are in town- but on the inside, I want them to lose, only because I want to see this absurd streak continue.