Ames & Sutherland? Think We Wouldn't?

My apologies for not updating sooner; I've been suffering from my typical case of P.V.D.S. (Post Vacation Depression Syndrome.) Also, I'm not really sure how to spin the tales from the weekend, it was kind of full of "You had to be there" jokes.

Por ejemplo, it was pretty awesome that we got quite a bit of face time on TV when Tiger and Vijay were on the 4th hole. We watched the DVR later, and could clearly see Bergman, Chuck, Endo and I in the front row for quite a while. I made my debut on CBS by clapping like an idiot** after Tiger three-putted, looking like I'm doing the Florida Gator Chomp....but you kinda had to be there.


**Full disclosure on the clapping: last week at softball, playing first base, I took a particularly hard throw in the palm of my glove rather than the webbing, and my palm bruised all the way through to the back of my hand. Ipso facto, I haven't been able to clap normally since (not to mention swing a golf club, hold a Playstation controller, or smack Alex around for burning the lasagna.) This could all be avoided if I would just buy a new glove, maybe one that was NOT purchased in 1987, and is NOT the only baseball glove I've ever owned in my entire life, and is NOT much too small to be catching softballs with at first base, but well....that would result in me having to get a new glove. I stand by my decision.


It was hilarious making jokes about Anthony Kim's "hot from a long distance, but kinda banged up-looking once you saw her up close, and if someone told me she was a tranny I'd be forced to admit the possibility- but if she is a dude, she still has one rockin' body, but in a dirty way like a stripper, or maybe someone who has at least dabbled in a blowjobs-for-cash scenario" girlfriend.....but you kinda had to be there.

There's a good story about the events leading up to me blowing up at the blackjack table later that night at Canterbury (only the second time I've caused a scene on the tables, this is the first time) but all you really need to know is the end of the story- some guy hit on an 18 when the dealer was showing 7, was 'rewarded' with a 3, and as a result I busted a $50 hand in the anchor spot. So naturally, I immediately grabbed my chips, yelled out "What is this, fucking amateur hour?!?!" and stomped off to the cashier.....for the rest of it, you kinda had to be there. But seriously, hitting an 18!!!!! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

It was pretty ridiculous when the four of us pooled together the money we had left in the pot from the day's worth of gambling from golf, and put it all on one horse to win, and then that horse took last place by about 50 lengths....but you kinda had to be there.

There were about a million jokes about SmashBurger and Twitter, often times combining the two during the same joke....but you DEFINITELY had to be there for those, and if you happened to be double digit beers deep when you were there, they became uncontrollably funny.

There was a great scene in the casino at the end of Saturday night, after all of us had lost all our money, and some of us had made multiple ATM trips. Endo was scratching off a billion dollars worth of (mostly losing) Slingo cards, while the accounting team of Bergman, Chuck, and I audited them for accuracy.....but you kinda had to be there.

So all in all, it was a great weekend full of golf, gambling, booze and laughter....but all in all, you kinda had to be there.