A Rose By Any Other Name

I've had a couple people ask me why I haven't said anything about the Memphis University scandal, being as how I love to hate them so much. The short answer is that it's just too depressing, hearing yet another story about how someone was cheating in sports again. The long answer is that the only reason I hated Memphis was because of John Calipari (and by extension, the type of thugs that he recruited- see Dorsey, Joey and Dozier, Robert.) I think John Calipari might be the slimiest, dirtiest human being in sports today. I rip on Tyler Hansbrough, Roy Williams, and A-Rod all the time, but they are not, in fact, my actual least favorite athletes/coaches. Guys like Calipari, Terrell Owens, Kobe Bryant, those are the guys I hate the most, to the point that I don't even like talking about them because they make me so angry.

So after this latest scandal involving Derrick Rose, Calipari, for the second time (3rd if you count when he went to the NBA and beefed it hard for a couple years) has left a team in total disarray. He went to UMASS, bent the rules until they were broken, got their Final Four appearance stripped, and now has repeated that same little festival in Memphis. And yet he himself doesn't get into any trouble, he just moves on to the next school. He's like the aliens in Independence Day, going around harvesting planets until their resources are used up, then moving on to the next one. Somebody get Bill Pullman, Jeff Glodblum, and Will Smith on the phone. (Side note: how awesome is Bill Pullman's speech just before the final battle with the Mothership? If that speech doesn't get you jacked up, check your pulse. Technically speaking, that video is safe for work, but if you're anything like me, it's not. By the 1:30 mark, I'm stomping around, firing guns into the air and shouting "Fuck yes, Mr. President! Yes sir! Yes fucking sir! We are gonna fuck those aliens UP! Let's do this shit, somebody get me a fucking plane!)

I think I just blacked out. Anyways, enjoy your new coach, Kentucky fans. Say hi to Worldwide Wes for me. How depressing are sports these days?