2009 All-Ugly Team

Last year's All-Ugly Team was hit pretty hard by graduation. The incomparable Lorenzo Mata-Real has moved on. The good news is that the 1-year waiting period was waived (by me) and he joined Joakim Noah, Shelden Williams, Mark Vershaw, Adam Morrison, James Augustine, the 2004 BYU starting five, and many others in the All-Ugly Hall of Fame, where he was immediately named captain. Shelden Williams was pissed, but understanding at the same time.

This year's team will be coached by John Calipari, because I think he has an ugly soul. Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2008-2009 All-Ugly Team:

The Bench:

Franklin Gutierrez, California: Troy Palamalu called, he wants his hair back. You can keep the ponytail holder, though
Kerwin Dunham, Northern Iowa: NERRRRRRRD!
Andy Rautins, Syracuse: nice fucking haircut
Eric Devendorf, Syracuse: nice neck tattoos, go beat up another girl in a bar
Luke Harangody, Notre Dame: I always thought that Rudy would be the nerdiest Notre Dame athlete ever, I was wrong
Luke Nevill, Utah: good call, Jenna
Nick Calathes, Florida: I was hoping to leave him off this year, but that acne is just NOT clearing up


And the starting five:

Kyle Singler, Duke. I had him on the bench last year, and personally I felt that he needed one more year before he was ready to crack the starting five. However, I took into consideration that like 25-30 people a week find this blog by googling some variation of "kyle singler ugly" and I am nothing if not a man of the people. So into the starting five he goes.

Esmir Rizvic, Texas Tech. The lone returning starter from last year.

BJ Mullens, Ohio St. A late addition, mostly due to the mexi-stache he grew this year. I think Noles had a better goatee than that before he could do long division.

Bryan Davis, Texas A&M. Has a head shaped like a brontosaurus. Or a brachiosaurus. Which one has the blowhole on top of their head? Is it even a blowhole, or nostrils, or what? I can't remember, I dropped Dinosaurs 101 a week into my freshman year cause I heard the final was tough.

Corey Fisher, Villanova. Like Shelden Williams had a kid with Corky.

And thus concludes our All-Ugly Team. But while we're here, I would be remiss if I didn't point out this similarity that Noles brought up a couple months ago (one of those things where once you see it, you can't believe you didn't notice it before.) James Harden of Arizona St. is totally the black version of Schultzy. He must get his haircut at the Schultz School of Beauty, whose motto is "We'll Give You a Shaved Head, Trimmed Sideburns, and Slightly Unruly Beard- or Your Money Back!"

Damn that picture is money. They have the same facial expression and everything. I mean, it's no Horp/Jon Scheyer situation or anything, but it's still uncanny.