Captain Kirk

The last month and a half or so I've been trying to save a little money (read: not driving to another state and drinking my face off for three days in a row.) I've been successful for the most part, until this weekend. The KU/Missouri game was on Sunday, and it was sold out. Not only is the Missouri game the biggest of the year, not only was the Big 12 conference on the line, but at halftime they were retiring Kirk Hinrich's jersey.

I initially wasn't going to go to the game in the interest of saving money, but then I had an epiphany on Friday morning which resulted in me deciding I was going to this game, one way or the other. This is what I moved here for, right? If 2003 Hammen would've heard that 2009 Hammen was skipping this game over the matter of a few dolla bills, he would've kicked 2009 Hammen's ass....or, more likely, he would've talked a bunch of shit, tried to look hard, and mayyyybe given 2009 Hammen a chest bump or two, hoping that the confrontation would get broken up by the bouncers before it escalated into actual physical violence.

And so I SUITED UP, threw some cash in my wallet, and soldiered out to the Phog Allen Fieldhouse and haggled with the scalpers. The main guy (he looks like one of the guys who work in the warehouse on The Office, and I call him Big Black, but only when he's not listening to me, looking at me, or within 100 yards of me) said that individual tickets were going for $190 each, and so I played the whole "I've only got $120 in my wallet, what can you do for me" card and snagged myself a decent ticket in the lower level. Side note: does anyone else feel like interactions with scalpers are one of those situations where both parties walk away snickering and muttering "hahaha...sucker" under their breath? I'm walking away thinking "Oh, did I say I only had $120 in my pocket? Whoops, I meant $300. My bad, I must've miscounted." And he's walking away thinking "Oh, so you think you talked my price down pretty good, huh? Damn, I guess I'll just have to live with only making a $65 profit on that single ticket...how much do YOU get paid an hour? Oh, snaps, no time for that, here come some more sucka-ass whiteboys."

Yo, check it- buy this ticket from me, and I'll throw in this Coolio CD for...let's say...another twenty scrill. Oh, you haven't heard of Coolio? You gotta check this shit out then, it's what hot in the streets right now. Gotta peep the song called 'Gangsta's Paradise', give it a month or two, and urrbody be bumpin' it. TRUST ME.

Annnnyway, whatever the price, it was definitely worth it. Not only did KU beat its hated rival by 25 (and DIDN'T storm the court- memo to Missouri fans: when you are a ranked team, and you beat another ranked team- you don't storm the court, you fucking dipshits) but I also got to see Hinrich's jersey hung in the rafters. I don't know if the dust was blowing around, or if the person in front of me smuggled a few bags of hayseed into the Fieldhouse, or what the deal was, but something must have triggered my damn allergies, cause as soon as Hinrich's highlight video started playing on the Jumobtron, my eyes were watering like crazy and didn't stop until the ceremony was over.

It's not a coincidence that my two favorite KU teams of all-time, 2002 and 2003, were Hinrich's junior and senior years. When he came to campus, he was the skinny, floppy-haired kid who struggled against full-court pressure and looked like he'd be more comfortable on the Quidditch field with Harry Potter. When he graudated four years later, he was third on KU's all-time list in assists, steals, and three-pointers, eighth all-time in scoring, and first in my heart....still looked like he would rock at Quidditch though.

If Kirk wasn't such a crappy name, there is little doubt that my first-born would be named after him. It just doesn't have a good ring to it: "Kirk! Run your ass down to the store and grab me a tin, and snag me another cold beer out of the fridge while you're up! DON'T BACKTALK ME! You don't want me to cancel Christmas again, DO YOU?!?! KIRK! I don't want to miss any of the game, goddammit! Did I ever tell you I named you after a KU player? KIRK- WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!?! This is why I hit your mother!"

See, it just doesn't roll off the tongue nicely.