So lately I have been dabbling a little bit with chewing. This is far from my first dalliance with chewing tobacco, but this is probably the hardest that we've ever flirted. If chew was a girl at a bar, after she walked in, I would've been bragging to my friends how I already 'hit that' a few years ago, and exchanged some high fives. Then, a couple hours later, I would've noticed how good she was still looking after all these years, so I would've wandered over and bought her a couple drinks and chit-chatted a bit, and we would probably be exchanging our new phone numbers right about now.
Previously, I only chewed when I was struggling to catch a buzz from drinking, and I needed a kickstart. Since I don't do it regularly, one chew for me is the equivalent of chugging around 5 or 6 beers. It just makes sense fiscally, kids. The economy is down, haven't you heard?
However, my intake has increased (just a little bit) in the last couple weeks. Alex is far from a happy camper regarding the situation (hence ChewGate) but I have plenty of friends who already chew, and my friends are nothing if not wonderful enablers. Paul was so delighted to see me with a sold-out lower level during his wedding weekend that he showed up at ADawg's wedding with my very own tin, my first since around 2003. That turn of events was both unexpected and unwelcomed in Alex's eyes.
Anyways, we were having quite a spirited discussion about it on The Boards the other day (listening to Horp and Noles talk about chewing is like listening to Siskel & Ebert talk about movies, only if every single movie gets a double thumbs up) and we were discussing how my dad and brother would be secretly pleased with me if I were to start. Both of them chew a lot, and if I were to all of a sudden throw one in right after Thanksgiving dinner, I would finally be living up to the Hammen family name.
Don't get me wrong, I have a great relationship with my dad, but as I get older, I've developed a sneaking suspicion that he has always been (secretly, of course) a tiny bit disappointed in me. He and my brother hunt, fish, ride motorcycles, work on cars, and get a large portion of their wardrobe at Cabela's. Meanwhile, I play video games, wear t-shirts with funny slogans on them, attach the suffix "skis" to the end of half of my nouns, and was genuinely devestated when The O.C. was cancelled. Maybe if I chew, I will be a little bit more of a man in my father's eyes.
In any event, Horp summed it up best:
One tin of chew: $5
A year's worth of chew: $300-$500
Chin replacement surgery: $15,000-$30,000
Having your dad finally look you in the eye and tell you you are a man: priceless
Previously, I only chewed when I was struggling to catch a buzz from drinking, and I needed a kickstart. Since I don't do it regularly, one chew for me is the equivalent of chugging around 5 or 6 beers. It just makes sense fiscally, kids. The economy is down, haven't you heard?
However, my intake has increased (just a little bit) in the last couple weeks. Alex is far from a happy camper regarding the situation (hence ChewGate) but I have plenty of friends who already chew, and my friends are nothing if not wonderful enablers. Paul was so delighted to see me with a sold-out lower level during his wedding weekend that he showed up at ADawg's wedding with my very own tin, my first since around 2003. That turn of events was both unexpected and unwelcomed in Alex's eyes.
Anyways, we were having quite a spirited discussion about it on The Boards the other day (listening to Horp and Noles talk about chewing is like listening to Siskel & Ebert talk about movies, only if every single movie gets a double thumbs up) and we were discussing how my dad and brother would be secretly pleased with me if I were to start. Both of them chew a lot, and if I were to all of a sudden throw one in right after Thanksgiving dinner, I would finally be living up to the Hammen family name.
Don't get me wrong, I have a great relationship with my dad, but as I get older, I've developed a sneaking suspicion that he has always been (secretly, of course) a tiny bit disappointed in me. He and my brother hunt, fish, ride motorcycles, work on cars, and get a large portion of their wardrobe at Cabela's. Meanwhile, I play video games, wear t-shirts with funny slogans on them, attach the suffix "skis" to the end of half of my nouns, and was genuinely devestated when The O.C. was cancelled. Maybe if I chew, I will be a little bit more of a man in my father's eyes.
In any event, Horp summed it up best:
One tin of chew: $5
A year's worth of chew: $300-$500
Chin replacement surgery: $15,000-$30,000
Having your dad finally look you in the eye and tell you you are a man: priceless
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