Fatsgiving

Tomorrow I head back to North Dakota for Thanksgiving. I'm sure it will be like -4 degrees when I get there yeahhhhhhh, sweet. At least there's Red Pepper waiting for me though. The first thing I'm doing when I pull into town is crushing a turkey grinder (with taco meat, natch) and two cheese tostadas. For a perpetually hungry kid like me, Thanksgiving is the greatest day of the year, and now it's even better since I moved away, as throughout the weekend I get to go to all the old food places in Grand Forks, some of which I miss more than my friends still living there. We were discussing the eateries that we miss the most on The Boards a couple weeks ago, and I almost started crying right there at my desk.

I've already begun training my stomach in preparation for this year's Thanksgiving meal, which I have entitled "Enter the 36 Chambers." I emailed my mom this morning and told her to get that kitchen fired up, because I plan on putting on an eating display for the ages, to which she replied "What else is new. You say this every year." Yeah, but still. Mom also gets bonus points for asking me how she should schedule dinner around football (she knows what's up, son.) I told her that Tennessee played at 11:30, so we should eat late in the afternoon, which confused her because she thought my favorite team was the Houston Oilers....which was entirely correct in 1996.

I don't know if I'll be able to holla at ya the rest the weekend. At my parents' house, the computer with internet access is in Brother's room, and if I'm on it for more than 3 minutes, he starts yelling at me to get out of his room, and I tell him to relax and quit being an angry elf, and he tells me that I don't live in this house anymore so I can't just go and use the internet without asking, and I tell him that I gave him the wireless router for free so I will use it whenever I want, and he tells me that blogs are gay, and I tell him to go spend more money pimping out his pickup truck, and he tells me to go move 10 hours away because of a college basketball team oh wait you already did, and I tell him why don't you go get your ear pierced like a woman oh wait YOU already did, and he tells me that he's not changing my oil anymore, and I tell him that I'm taking back the Nintendo 64 that I left for him even though I won't even play it anyway, and he tells me that he's returning my birthday present to the store, and I tell him I'm returning his Christmas present to the dumpster I dug it out of, and he tells me he wishes he was an only child, and I tell him well you kind of are because you are adopted.

And so on.

Everyone have a good holiday, eat food, drink beer, travel safe; if you see me on the interstate, I'll be the one dancing the robot while I drive, as Styx tests the volume limits of my balla-ass factory speakers.

I'm pretty sure I know what I'm most thankful for this year....