Just got back from running errands on my lunch break, during which I went to the bank and then to Sonic (weird! I never eat there.) It was anything but boring.
So I'm sitting in second position in the drive-through line at the bank. The little money canister is coming through the chute, on its way back to the customer. The chute is see-through, so you can see it coming, and for some inexplicable reason, this lady decides she is going to rest her hand at the bottom of the chute, like she's going to catch this fucking thing or something. As I watch in amazement at the sheer stupidity of this lady, the canister comes flying down the homestretch, crushes her hand at the bottom of the chute, bounces wildly out, ricochets off her car, and detonates in an explosion of plastic, dollar bills, and change that goes everywhere. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, LADY?!?! How is it ever, ever a good idea to put your hand at the bottom of the chute? You have to show a little more respect for the air current flowing through the tunnel than that. Come on. This is the year 2008.
So after that catastophre resolves itself (I didn't help her pick up money; everyone else had it under control, and I was laughing way too hard to be of any help anyway) I head to Sonic for my standard 2,700 calorie lunch. I place my order and I'm sitting in my car waiting. Now, unlike the fantastically funny Sonic commercials, there's no witty, quirky sidekick for me to banter back and forth with, so I'm listening to music. After a couple minutes, the lady in the vehicle to my right starts to back out of her spot. During her reverse, she is mean-mugging the shit out of me. Probably the dirtiest look I've received from a girl since freshman year of college, when I told my girlfriend at the time that the reason why I didn't hang out with her the night before was because I got drunk with my buddies and drove around town, stealing Baby Jesus from multiple nativity scenes.
She actually stops and shakes her head at me while glaring me down, making such a grand performance out of the whole thing that finally I roll down my passenger window and ask, "What is the problem?!?!" She just shakes her head again and says, "Nice language coming out of your car. Reaaaaal nice, jerk." And then she drives away. I'm speechless. I am literally without speech. My head is reeling. This lady just punk'd the shit out of me (yeah I spelled it with an apostrophe and no e. Blame that no-talent ass clown Ashton Kutcher.) Here are my issues with her accusation:
1) Like I stated, my passenger window was rolled up, and she was on my right hand side.
2) I don't listen to music that terribly loud. Yeah, I rock it out when I'm by myself on the interstate, and I listen at a higher volume than most average Joes since I lost 40% of the hearing in my left ear in an unfortunate smelting accident, but c'mon, I was sitting in a Sonic drive-up. I had just turned the volume down to give my order, it was on like two friggin' bars.
3) This chick was pretty hot, couldn't have been older than me, didn't have any kids in her vehicle, and as far as I could see, was not accompanied by Jesus Himself. So I am confused as to how badly I seem to have offended her.
4) And this is the kicker here folks, I WAS LISTENING TO KRIS KROSS!!!! Let's ignore for a minute that I was listening to a song from 1992 performed by a couple of 12-year-olds that wore their clothes backwards.....and ask the question: what bad language is there in the song Jump??? Tell me that, Hot Yet Overly Uptight and Potentially Crazy Lady? Are you mad because R&B, rap and bullcrap is what they're dumpin'? Because inside out is wiggida-wiggida-wiggida-wack? Because the Daddy Mac will make you jump jump, wiggle and shake your rump? I am baffled here.
I retreated back to work with my tail between my legs, and now here I sit, enjoying my second chili cheese wrap and wondering just what the hell is going on today.
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