As previously mentioned, I have an obscene number of close friends who are got engaged within a few months of each other, so the official reasoning for this trip is a multiple bachelor party. Although, speaking personally, if someone gave the reasoning of "We should go to Vegas, it's Friday tomorrow" I would be in, no questions asked.
The cast of characters: me, Noles, Horp, Fundy, Bergman, St. Aubyn, Russell, Ike, Jake, ADawg, Haley, and Dacus. Previously, the most people I've traveled there with is 4 others, and the most people I've been responsible for, so to speak, is 8. So I've been proposing that we use a buddy system or something this weekend, or all of a sudden it's gonna be like 3 a.m. on Monday morning and we're gonna realize we haven't seen Haley since he was talking to the tranny prosititue outside of Mandalay Bay 31 hours ago.
We're staying at Caesar's Palace, a far cry from my first night in Vegas, when spur of the moment, we decided to drive there from L.A. at 1 a.m. and ended up sleeping on Jake's hotel room floor from 10-10:30 that morning. I'm happy about this, because now if anyone's taking a beating gambling, instead of having to just ride it out until the bitter end, they can head back to the pool and hit on topless 40-year-old ladies (foreshadowing.)
I've been to Vegas with some combination of many of these dudes before, but never all at once. It promises to be a truly rowdy time. In the spirit of gambling, here are some prop bets for the weekend:
"Number of times St. Aubyn drunkenly yells "Hiyoooo, it's me- Papa Burgundy"
over/under 68. (Take the over on this one. Side story: during a UND football game a few years ago, we got a little Patrick Ewinged***, and St. Aubyn was slumped over in his seat, incoherent, by the end of the 1st quarter. The only way we knew he was still alive was that, every time the PA would yell "First down, Fighting Siouuuuuux!!!" he would snap alert and scream "Hiyoooo, it's me- Papa Burgundy!" EVERY TIME, to the point that he had pissed off everyone within 30 yards of us. So now it's the beginning of the 4th quarter, and we suddenly realize we haven't heard him in a really long time. We turn around and yep, his seat is empty. We're a little bit worried, but quickly forget again (we're all hammered and don't take the best care of each other; whatever, we're not chicks) and continue watching the game. A while later, after a Sioux first down, we're greeted with a rambunctious "Hiyoooo, it's me- Papa Burgundy" and we turn around and there's St. Aubyn, in all his glory. Apparently he went to take a shit and passed out on the toilet for the entire third quarter before waking up again. All told, he probably yelled the Papa Burgundy line around 50 times that day. So again I say, take the over on this one. End of ridiculously long side story.)
"Number of dollars gambled by ADawg"
over/under $1. Unless he's abandoned his "I don't gamble" mantra, which to a degenerate like me is completely and totally insane, especially in Vegas. You can also parlay this bet with "number of times we make fun of ADawg for not gambling" (over/under 200) or make it a three-team teaser along with "number of times we make fun of ADawg for various reasons, including: being short, reminding us of Michael J. Fox from Back to the Future, reminding us of Michael J. Fox from Teen Wolf, dressing like an Abercrombie Model, and reminding us of Michael J. Fox from Family Ties." The over/under for that one is 650.
"Number of times someone tells Russell to shut up"
over/under 10. Russell generally gets treated worse than Walter Sobcheck treats Donny in Big Lebowski. This is especially true when drinking is involved. Sometimes it's unfair, sometimes it's deserved, but regardless, it's reality. "Shut the fuck up, Russell, you're out of your element!"
"Haley passes out before 3 p.m. at least once during the trip"
Bet $130 to win $100. Watching Haley drink is like watching replays of the Ron Artest Melee. It's entertaining as hell, and you don't really want it to stop, but you just know that it is not going to end well for anybody involved.
"Horp and Noles each have a chew"
Bet $500 to win $100. Both are in the process in quitting, let's just say I don't have a lot of faith in either one to make it this weekend. In fact, this bet should probably be taken off the board. Prove me wrong, fellas.
"Total hours I sleep"
over/under 10. I know last time I only slept like 7 or 8 hours in four nights, but that was kind of a ridiculous performance, I don't know if I can repeat that.
***pre-gaming wayyy too hard so that by the time the main event starts, you're already a mess. Similar to Patrick Ewing, when he would be absolutely dripping in sweat by the end of warm-ups. Everyone start using that one, I want it to make the urban dictionary.
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