The Boards

I was recently introduced to The Boards, an email system started a while ago by Noles, Horp, and Jon-Jon as a way to keep the spirit of Culligan Manor alive while being spread out around the country. And indeed, it truly feels as though it is 2005 again, and we are watching college basketball on one tv and "To Catch a Predator" on the other, making fun of each other at every turn, and swimming amidst a pile of beer cans and Mountain Dew 20-ouncers half-full with chew spit.

We essentially spend our time on The Boards ripping on each other, asking random questions, ripping on each other, telling stories, ripping on each other's sports teams, playing trivia, and ripping on each other. But there rules, and a system of checks and balances that rivals the U.S. Government, making it so that no one person is unfairly treated. Violations of said rules result in quick and severe punishment (maybe not severe....mostly you just have to say three nice things about someone if it is determined that you crossed a line while making fun of them. In actuality, it's Dr. Randklev's "dipping in the bucket" self-esteem methodology from Ben Franklin elementary school. But it sounds better when we do it. Seriously.)

Anyways, I love The Boards because boring days are quickly brightened up by stories such as this one, from Horp, who teaches middle schoolers in Phoenix:


Yo Yo Yo
Sorry, I was on a field trip yesterday. And speaking of that... you should have seen me at air hockey...I was in buzzsaw form. So I'm playing this really cocky kid that thought he was pretty good. We decide to bet two tokens on the game, and while we are doing that, about 30 kids are already watching, and they are side-betting their tokens or tickets... half for me, half for the kid. I get down 6-2 quick and we only go to 7, I was a little nervous, but very confident. I told the kid that I was going to come back and win, and he didn't think so, so we bet another four tokens (and the kids around us did the same). I come back with some of my best play ever, and when I score the final goal, I throw my paddle in the air and walk around the place with my hands in the air yelling 'who's your daddy.' The place went nuts. And I had a stomach ache from eating too much pizza.


Yep, beating a middle-schooler in air hockey and reacting like you just won the ALCS. That's why I should've been a teacher.

One of my favorite things about The Boards is the Question of the Day, and I think I may start doing something similar here on The Slice, except like once a week or something. The Q's are usually hypothetical, usually ridiculously stupid, but also thought-provoking. I'll be digging into some of the questions we've already used, some others rattling around in my head, and I'll take suggestions (if they're good) if you email them to me at jimhammen@hotmail.com. First Q of the Week:

MTV calls you up and offers you a spot on the next season of The Real World, and offers to pay you one million dollars. However, for the entire season, you must be drunk, obnoxious, racist, sexist, sleeping around (on camera) and basically being the worst person you can be. The kicker is at the end of the season, your entire family, all your friends, co-workers, everyone you know has to watch the entire season. Do you do it?