The Top 5. Volume 12.

My top 5 good songs that were forever altered by subsequent events.

5. NBA on NBC theme- John Tesh

The original title of this list was going to be 'songs ruined by subsequent events' until I realized that this song hasn't been ruined, per se, it's just different now. When NBC still broadcasted NBA games, it was just a badass song. Now when I listen to it, it still gets me jacked up, but also makes me a little sad and nostalgic. Even though those were the days when the NBA teams I hated the most always won the championship, they were still the good ol' days (little known fact: the first time in my life when the team I was cheering for in the Finals actually won was 2004, when Detroit beat the Lakers.) There was a cassette tape, long destroyed now, of me playing the theme song, then at the part when the music would downshift and announcers would say something like "we're here at the Great Western Forum this afternoon, where Charles Barkley and the Phoenix Suns come to battle Magic Johnson and the Lakers" I would start talking over the TV announcers, announcing the matchup that was about to be played with my starting lineups. There was also a recording of me doing play-by-play of the 1991 Duke/Kansas national championship game, but fortunately that's gone now too.

I feel like I might've revealed a bit too much about my childhood in that paragraph.

4. Ants Marching- Dave Matthews Band

Pretty much the only DMB song I can really get on board with (that sound you hear is 80% of my friends clicking the red 'X' button because I'm not a diehard DMB fan like they are) and now, thanks to the beginning of this clip, I can't listen to it without giggling uncontrollably. "Get my phone out for the Google Maps, yeahhh" Damn you for being hilarious, Bloomington Bros.

3. Money- Pink Floyd

A song I loved until a few months ago, when I heard the song 'Let a Ho Be a Ho', an old-school rap song by Willie D that inexplicably samples the cash register noise and a couple beats of the bass line from 'Money.' Not sure how they got away with that, unless somehow Mr. Floyd (Pink Floyd was a person, right?) gave his permission, which is baffling if he did. Now when I hear the real version, I can't help but think of the importance of letting a ho be a ho. Just one of those songs that has no business being sampled for hip-hop purposes. I could write a whole separate post on this, but others in this category: Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie/Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice; Kashmir by Led Zeppelin/Come With Me by Puff Daddy; In-a-godda-da-vida by Iron Butterfly/Hip Hop is Dead by Nas; and the theme from and Psycho/Gimme Some More by Busta Rhymes.

2. Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana

Which one of these doesn't belong:

-The song that helped put alternative/grunge music on the map

-The defining song of a generation

-One of the most important songs of the last 20 years, and maybe ever

-The entrance music for Diamond Dallas Page

If you're anything like me, and got sucked back into watching professional wrestling in the late 90's (five years after you thought you were done with it forever) you can't listen to this song without getting to the six second mark, making a diamond shape with your hands, and shouting "Self High Five!!!!!" Kurt Cobain was rolling in his grave, until DDP dug him up and gave him a vicious Diamond Cutter.

Also, the "Who started using this symbol first?" battle between DDP and Jay-Z was one of the more underrated lawsuits of the decade. It's hilarious that someone who so blatantly steals his theme song can be so pissed off when a rap mogul steals his hand signal.

#1. Stuck in the Middle With You- Stealer's Wheel

This is the song being played in Reservoir Dogs when Mr. Blonde tortures the cop, cutting his ear off, pouring gasoline all over him and trying to set him on fire before being shot. It's not the most gory scene in the world- and it's pretty much child's play compared to the Hostel movies and the other splatter films released nowadays- but for whatever reason, it's just a really, really uncomfortable scene that hits close to home (even though the closest I've come to losing an ear is rupturing my eardrum, and to the best of my knowledge, nobody has ever attempted to set me on fire.) The downside is that the insane Mr. Blonde cranks the radio and makes this song the soundtrack to his torture, forever ruining this song for me and probably thousands of others. Instant cringing the second I hear a note of it.