In Which I Pay Tribute To ADawg

Out of all our friends (besides Paul, of course) ADawg is the one who takes the most shit. And I admit, sometimes it's undeserved. Like for instance, it's not his fault that his dad is only 4'10" and shirtless 84% of the time. We can't help ourselves, sometimes it's just fun to see the little guy lose his cool and freak out on us. It's a victimless crime.

Example: A few years ago, ADawg, Bergman and I ended up in a gay bar in San Francisco. I know I'm getting ripped on (deservedly) for this story either way, but full disclosure: it was our first night there, we had no idea where the places to be were at, so we jumped into a taxi and told the driver to take us somewhere cool. The driver, perhaps seeing three well-dressed dudes and no girls and doing some quick calculations in his head, promptly drove us straight to a gay bar, which we didn't realize was sexually oriented either direction until a couple hours later. As soon as we realized it, Bergman and I thought it was hilarious and began flirting with ADawg- trying to pet his hair, grabbing his ass when he would bend over for a billiards shot, etc. etc. The angrier ADawg became, the more fun it was for us. After threatening to leave multiple times, ADawg finally snapped, and after chewing out both our asses (not literally) he started heading outside to hail a taxi to the hotel by himself, until we talked him down off the ledge. Classic ADawg.

Now, REALLY full disclosure: towards the end of the night, it became obvious that the bartender was taking a, um, liking to me. So I did what any perfectly straight guy would do: shamelessly flirted with him until he took care of our tab. And I've taken some shit for that part of the story in the past, but you know what? I'd do it again. That tab was like $150, and it's not like I had to play tummy sticks or anything. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Editor's note: Bergman and I were rehashing this story the other day and I was trying to remember if I forgot any funny details, and Bergman reminded me what the bartender told me after he took care of our tab, and as I was trying to at least throw him a few bucks for a tip: "Don't worry about it- you're all the compensation I need."

I don't even care that a dude said it to me.....THAT'S a compliment.

So anyway, back to ADawg. Sometimes, it's totally his fault that we make fun of him. A couple weeks ago, while KU was dismantling Texas on ESPN, I received a text from him that read:

Wow, go Kansas! How's it going man?

My reply: Hey dude, been a while, blah blah blah.....How's Bobbi?

Him: Well, pregnant! Oh, by the way, don't tell anyone, we haven't told our parents yet.

Me: Say whaaaaaaaat?!?!?!?!?!

I mean, how does that conversation take a turn like that, especially when they hadn't even told their parents yet? I was only Groomsman #6 in his wedding, no way I should be getting that announcement first. Only ADawg announces a pregnancy all Ron Chalant-style, one sentence after congratulating me on a college basketball game on TV.

So congrats to ADawg and Bobbi. Hopefully they have a son just like ADawg, who wears polo shirts that are a size and a half too tight; takes the time to make seven rough drafts for a one-page 6th grade writing assignment because it has to be perfect; and rather than actually gamble, hangs out by the slots and pretends to be putting in a dollar right when the server walks by so he can keep getting free drinks all day.



It wasn't exactly difficult to find a picture of ADawg pointing into a camera (he popularized the ADawg Point years and years ago; for my money it's the best pointing pose in the world besides Manny Ramirez) but I didn't think I would find one of him looking so douchetastic. Justin Timberlake called, he said he left his hat poolside in Vegas, could you please return it to him?