Damn Punk Kids

So the other day I'm in the pro shop with an 18-year-old co-worker, and it's raining outside, so we're looking for a good movie to help pass the time. As we're flicking through the channels, we stumble across Top Gun. Bingo. I exclaim my excitement, and when I realize that it's not being shared by my counterpart (I'm an idea man. I thrive on enthusiasm) I stop and we have this exchange:

Me: "What, you don't like Top Gun?"

J-Sak: "Well, I haven't really seen it...."

Me: "What?!?! How have you never seen Top Gun? It's a classic!"

J-Sak: "Whatever, I haven't seen the whole thing. I watched some of it and it sucked so I changed the channel. Sorry I wasn't born in 1970, man."


Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. WHOA.

Now, I can ignore the fact that he said the movie sucked. As we've talked about before, Top Gun can be a questionable piece of cinema sometimes. However, saying that it "sucks" is a completely blasphemous statement. But that's fine, anyone who was still in kindergarten when Jerry Maguire came out, and whose first Tom Cruise movie was most likely Mission Impossible 3, probably isn't going to appreciate Top Gun. I can live with that.

However.

The part I'm more interested in is that 1970 zinger he threw at me. To my recollection, this is the first time in my life that I've legitimately been ripped on for being old. It staggered me a little bit when he hit me with it, because I had absolutely no comeback for it. (I mean, I could've unloaded on him for not knowing the lyrics to "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin", but that suddenly seemed irrelevant, considering the new direction this conversation had taken.)

I've been noticing plenty of signs recently that I have, indeed, been getting older: playing slow-pitch softball now requires a vigorous stretching session beforehand, even though I play first base; I frown upon shotgunning a beer before 10 a.m.; and I can watch the Nine Inch Nails video for "Closer" without having nightmares for a month (they usually only last a couple nights now.)

And I've been making plenty of jokes about it. Let's face facts: we're not getting any younger, and we've got the 36-hour hangovers to prove it. But it's the principle of the whole thing. I'm allowed to make fun of myself for getting old, but when those same jokes come from a senior in high school.....fuck that. It's like when someone is stuck in a bad relationship for months and months, and all he does is talk crap about his girlfriend, and then when they finally break up, and all his buddies are like "Finally, dude, it's about time. I always hated that chick, she was never right for you" and then the guy gets all pissed and starts defending her. It's just different when someone else says it.

So this kid just received his free pass. But if he even THINKS about talking crap about Cocktail, we're gonna have problems.



The number of top 5 lists I could do about this movie is just ridiculous. Best one-liners, best songs off the soundtrack, best freeze frames of Elisabeth Shue's side boob when they're swimming under the waterfall.....someday. Someday.