After I got back, Vampire Hunter D was scheduled to perform at open mic night at The Bottleneck. Very few people reading this know of VHD, but the few who have experienced his freestyling firsthand (cough- Amber!- cough) know that I couldn't very well skip that. $1.50 beers turned into $1 beers turned into free beers, yada yada yada...we ended up at a strip club that night.
The next night I had to run errands and get groceries because I had eaten every single scrap of food in the apartment before going home for Thanksgiving. Let the record show that I seriously contemplated drinking a jar of spaghetti sauce for dinner, that's how bad I wanted to just stay home and avoid shopping.
The next night, Dunph was in Kansas City for the day, so we went and visited him and watched college basketball and had dinner and beers and whatnot. Couldn't really skip that, unless I wanted to read a bunch of texties from Dunph that said things like "get a ballsack or get bent, you fucking pussy" or "you're gayer than 8 dudes blowing 9."
Last night was trivia night at Zig & Mac's. I suppose I could've skipped this if I realllllly wanted to, but I wanted to redeem myself after I basically cost our team the victory last time we were there. (We were in second place out of 15 teams going into the final question, the category was sports, I convinced everyone to wager all of our points...and I got the question wrong. If you can tell me who the Associated Press named 'Sportsman of the Decade' for the 1960's without googling it, then you're a better man than I.) And we finally got over the hump and won last night anyway, so it was worth it.
And now this weekend is Shaun and Janelle's wedding. This is my first wedding in 16 months where I am simply a guest, and have no actual responsibilities as a member of the wedding party. Additionally, since this is the first wedding we've attended featuring our "Kansas friends", I don't personally know most of their family members. So, after a bunch of weddings consisting of friends' moms asking me all about my life since they last saw me in 1998 (while I try and answer coherently and pretend like I didn't just get done shotgunning three consecutive beers with the high schoolers in the parking lot) I'll get to have the kind of mom conversations I truly enjoy. The kind where I tell them my name is Greg Maddux, and I work at the law firm Avery, Smoltz & Glavine.
The senior partners and me. After our firm hit a low point in 1990, we experienced the greatest one-year turnaround in privately-owned law practice history, and went on to win the highest percentage of cases in the country for 14 consecutive years, until falling off a bit in 2006.
In the last two weddings I attended where I wasn't weighed down by the troublesome burden of "staying constructively sober" these were the results:
- When the deejay played 'Whoomp! There It Is,' Paul and I grabbed the best man/maid of honor speech microphone and karaoked along to it, which erupted into a multiple person, mulitple song sing-along that ultimately had to be ended by the bride and groom.
- I stayed up all night drinking, and when 7:00am rolled around, Jennifer and I loaded up two plates of donuts, fruit, and other stuff from the continental breakfast and wandered around the hotel for an hour, looking for the newlyweds' room so we could "serve them breakfast in bed."
So needless to say, all bets are off tomorrow night.
And then I'm gonna be an antisocial bastard for two weeks. Fo' serious.
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