The Top 5. Volume 4.

Professional Wrestling. We all loved it, at some point. It was AWESOME when we were little kids, became horrendously uncool as we entered middle school, had a brief resurgence for about a year when we were 15, and is now unwatchable, in my opinion. Here are my 5 favorite wrestlers of all time. We've all got 'em.

Honorable mention: Ravishing Rick Rude, Diamond Dallas Page, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jake the Snake Roberts, Big Boss Man (he looked just like my dad), the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase.

5. Irwin R. Schyster (I.R.S.)

Maybe I was destined to work in the tax industry with the love I had for I.R.S. as a youngster. He always carried a briefcase with him to the ring, and this briefcase got a lot of use as a way to cheap shot opponents. The Write Off is probably my favorite name for a finishing move ever. Also, remember when he and the Million Dollar Man used to pick random people out of the crowd and offer them money to do stupid things? The one time they grabbed some kid, offered him $100 if he could bounce a ball like 15 times or something, then after 14 bounces, kicked it away from him....awesome.

4. Razor Ramon

"The Bad Guy." That about sums him up. Always with the trademark toothpick (until he threw it in his opponents' face a couple minutes into the match) and always with "the machismo oozing off" of him. The Razor's Edge was one of the best finishing moves ever, and one of the few that we, as noodle-armed 10-year-olds, could do to each other. Also helped start nWo, which made wrestling cool again for a bit.

3. Shawn Michaels

The Heartbreak Kid. I don't know if anyone turned from bad guy to good guy more often than Shawn Micheals. Or better. He always had unreal matches, like the hour long match with Bret Hart, or the first ever ladder match, or being the first guy to win the Royal Rumble after being the first guy in the ring. I will even forgive him for kicking Marty Janetty through the window and breaking up The Rockers, which up to that point, was probably the most traumatic moment in my life besides my dog dying. Loved it when he would prep for Sweet Chin Music by stomping his leg repeatedly, as good ol' Jim Ross would exclaim, "He's tuning up the band!" Other cool moments: The Montreal Screwjob, when the WWF turned on Bret Hart, telling him he would win the match, then telling everyone besides Hart that really Micheals would win; and when Mike Tyson was the guest referee of the Michaels/Stone Cold match and knocked Michaels out afterwards, when Michaels performed the greatest "falling down like you got hit by a mack truck even though it was just a fake punch" of all time.

2. "The Macho Man" Randy Savage

Ohhhh yeeeeaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!! If you are between the ages of 21 and 35, there is only one tone of voice it is possible to hear that in. Macho Man was one of the craziest fuckers ever, epitomized by his elbow smash from the top rope. FYI: when checking into a hotel room with multiple beds, the first thing I do upon entering the room is a flying elbow smash from one bed to the other. At age 25. Too much information? Maybe. Continuing on. Macho Man was one of the greatest, if not the greatest, interviewer in wrestling, combining his craziness, voice, and unintelligibility into magic. Along with Hulk Hogan, Macho Man revolutionized wrestling in the 80's. The Mega Powers (Savage and Hogan) was probably the best tag team in wrestling history, until Hogan allegedly slept with Miss Elizabeth and her and Savage got divorced (in real life.) Speaking of Miss Elizabeth, how awesome was the storyline of Macho Man slapping her around after matches as the crowd freaked out? Only in professional wrestling could domestic abuse be cool.

1. Diesel

Started out as the seven-foot-tall bodyguard of Shawn Michaels and basically just went around fucking people up. You knew he was bound for bigger things, and when Michaels accidentally gave Diesel the Sweet Chin Music, you knew it was his time. He went to the Royal Rumble and destroyed everyone, won all his matches in 30 seconds, and became champ in no time. I thought the best stretch of his career was when he would just interfere on everyone's match. The beginning of his music, which was just a diesel truck honking its horn REALLY loud would start, JR would yell, "Good god! Th-that's Diesel's music!!" and he would come down and powerbomb someone and leave again. Soon after he went to WCW and started nWo with Razor Ramon and Hogan. Known as Kevin Nash now, he never really got his props for coming up with nWo, as Hogan got most of the credit. Either way, nWo was sweet. Then he interfered in Hogan's title fight, jackknifed Hogan, and started the nWo Wolfpac, and that was about it for me and wrestling.