Moral Dilemma, Circa 1985

I find myself right in the middle of a situation that couldn't be more ideal for an 80's teen movie. Actually, it probably was. Anyways, there is a co-worker, for identity purposes we will call him "Doug", who, although being 20 years old, has had very little experience in social settings: parties, drinking, girls, etc. All the experience he has had has come at our parties in the last couple years, and although he has made great strides of late, he is basically still like a 12 or 13 year old, running around, hitting on every girl he sees with lame lines, asking out six different girls and getting shot down every time, etc. etc. But he is a good kid and we love him.

So one night last week at work we are passing the time talking about how we need to get him laid, or at the very least make out with a girl, as we are 99% sure he hasn't kissed a girl. We jokingly toy with the idea of getting a prostitute, but we quickly throw that out, because of the absurdness of it, and besides, does anyone know where to get a hooker in Grand Forks?

But then another co-worker brings up the idea of not getting an actual prostitute, but paying someone we know, someone with maybe....looser standards regarding who she will sleep with. We'll call her "Sally." Things escalate quickly, and before we really realize what we're doing, Sally has somehow agreed for only $250 (and other minor conditions). We already have $125 raised among the people involved in the conversation. Since the other kid did the impossible deed of asking Sally to whore herself out, I am put in charge of raising the rest of the money.

Everyone is pretty jazzed up that the major obstacle is completed, and I know getting the rest of the money is no problem, but now the conscience is kicking in. It's a safe bet that Doug finds Sally at least a little bit attractive, and and even safer bet that he wants to get some action, but questions abound. Does Doug want his first time to go down like this? What if Sally has an STD? What if Doug gets Sally pregnant? What if someone involved in the arrangement lets it slip that we paid Sally? How many people can we trust with this secret? How mad would Doug be if he found out about the arrangement?

The main problem I have is that this started out as helping Doug out. I legitmately want to see him get a boost of confidence, and make him feel cool. He deserves it. However, the other two guys most prominently involved are already making too many jokes about it, and I have serious doubts about their intentions. But do I back out? This is where the movie premise kicks in. I feel like I would be played by Emilio Estevez, waffling between wanting to be cool and go with the plan or backing out and letting the other guys down. My two buddies would be Judd Nelson (the badass from Breakfast Club) and Billy Zabka (the Karate Kid's archnemesis.) Sally would be played by Phoebe Cates (the hot girl in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.) Doug would undoubtedly be played by Patrick Dempsey (Can't Buy Me Love.) That would actually be a perfect title for this movie, but since it is already taken, along with 'Cruel Intentions' and 'Indecent Proposal,' we might have to think of something else. Stay tuned.