How To Mortify Your Girlfriend In 10 Seconds

My love for Taco John's is well documented. I'm pretty sure I've told this story (after 5.5 years of blogging, sometimes you forget which stories you've told) but years ago we did a Taco John's Challenge-- eating as many tacos as we could in an hour. I took down 17, the last few tasting like shredded newspaper and concrete, and was immediately pissed at myself, thinking I had ruined TJ's for me forever. Two days later, I had a six-pack and a pound for lunch, so no worries there.

ANYWAY, it's not embarrassing at all to go pick up TJ's and destroy it in the comfort of your home, preferably while simultaneously crushing episodes of The O.C. or something. However, actually sitting down and eating your tacos and oles in the restaurant.....that's another story. It's notoriously one of the dirtiest fast food joints around. The clientele is a little bit sketchy. It doesn't exactly make you feel like a high-functioning member of society.

But sometimes, you don't have much of a choice. Sometimes, you're in the slightly dirtier part of town. Sometimes, you're getting your windshield replaced over your lunch break. Sometimes, your girlfriend is nice enough to escort you back to your office, and you only have time for a quick fast-food lunch before she has to be back at her job. Sometimes, Taco John's is only a block away from the....windshield store? I know it would be called Windshield Mart if it was in Canada, everything there is called "~Name of Product~ Mart." I digress.

And so sometimes, as you carry your tray of six tacos and a pound of potato oles back to your table where your girlfriend awaits, and all the weirdos are looking at you and you sense a golden opportunity, you have no choice but to set your tray down, give her a big hug, and loudly announce to the whole restuarant,

"Haaaaaaaappy Anniversary!"

I turned to the guy with three visible teeth at the next table over, hoping for some applause or a heartfelt congratulations, but no dice. Christine mostly just wanted to punch me. (Probably because if she would let me, I really would celebrate our anniversary at Taco John's, but that's neither here nor there.)