Pomp And Circumstance

Graduating college. A time for celebrating the present. A time for reminiscing the past. A time for anticipating the future. (How awesome would this paragraph be if it was being read by Jim Nantz, as soft piano music is playing, and a montage of Augusta National is being shown in the background? And then it finishes with "Although one door may be closing behind you, many more doors are opening before you" ~ cut to a shot of the graduate accepting their diploma and pumping their fist ~ "So, college grad....which door will you choose?" then the CBS Sports theme song starts blasting.....annnnnd scene.)

Graduation is a time to celebrate the turning of a page in the book of your life. Nay, not just a new page, but a new chapter. Or if it's, like, one of those books that has both chapters and sections, then it would definitely be a new section. Or maybe it's, like, one of those books that have books within them, even though it's really just a new chapter- like BOOK IV: SPLINTER OF THE MIND'S EYE....you know, I've never liked those books, they always seem so pretentious. What kind of pompous asshole has books within a book, anyway? Just give me the old Goosebumps books that had 46 chapters that were like a page and a half each, and every other chapter ended with "I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out".....anyway, you get the idea. Graduation is all these things, rolled up into one emotional day.

OR...

...if you're anything like Noles and I back in 2006, it's a time to kick back with a few morning beers, turn on the graduation ceremony on local channel 6, and laugh at all the suckers who decided to actually attend their own graduation. Shortly after it begins, you decide that maybe your parents would appreciate some photographs to remember this momentous occasion- you know, since they're not there in person. So you throw on some of your finest clothes, ask Horp to represent President Kupchella, wait until your name WOULD'VE been called in alphabetical order as they're announcing the School of Accounting, and walk across the "stage" and accept your "diploma" while Fundy watches, shakes his head, and calls you "idiots."

President Horpchella and I

President Horpchella and Noles




Noles celebrating and waving to his "family" as he walks off the stage. You know that it was a special event if Fundy was out of bed before 4 pm on a Saturday, as evidenced by his bedhead. Notice the Canadian flag in the background- probably one of the top 5 drunkest nights of my life. After already drinking for hours during a camping/tubing trip, we met some rando Canadians with a beer bong, I bonged like 8 beers in 8 minutes, ran over to another campsite with a hunting knife and literally cut the flag down off of some family's camper while they slept inside. Later that night I threw up around 10-15 times. Man, 2003 was AWESOME. But I'm getting off-topic here.

Shockingly, neither of us have seen any of these pictures framed in our mom's office, which is a little disappointing. It's a slap in the face, frankly.

So congratulations to Alex and all you other grads, be it grad school, undergrad, high school....and let's not forget Michael Vick is graduating soon from a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison to a halfway house.

Two dudes who wouldn't fare so well in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.