Let's Get Serious

So I tried calling Sprint's customer service last night, as I haven't yet received my $25 referral fee that I was supposed to get in September. Turned out to be a gong show of a phone call. Instead of a touch tone system of selecting options, they had a voice recognition thing, which never, ever, EVER works. Here's how it went down:

Automated lady voice: Please tell us what your problem is.

Me: I haven't received my--

ALV: Let's try and break it down a little more.

Me: What...I only had like one second to speak....

ALV: If your issue relates to your bill, simply say 'my bill.' If it relates to your service area, say 'service area.' She then goes on to list about 5 more issues, none of which are related to mine. Finally she says: If it relates to something else, say 'something else.'

Me: Something else.

ALV: You've selected 'monthly plan.' If this is correct, say 'yes.' If this is incorrect, say 'no.'

Me: No.

ALV: Great! If you would like to hear how many minutes you've used this month, say 'minutes.'

Me: What? I said no. NO!

ALV: You've selected 'online billing options.'

Me: Jeeeeeee-sus Christ. Are you kidding me? Are you for real, machine lady?

ALV: Let's try and break this down a little more.

Me: What the FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW?!?

ALV: If you would like to speak with a customer service representative, say 'representative.'

Me: Rep-re-sent-a-tive.

ALV: You've selected monthly plan. If-

Me: Representative! Representative! Representative! Represent--

ALV: Please hold while our next customer service representative becomes available.

Me: Thanks. You've been wonderful.

So then, after all that, I talk to a real lady for like 15 minutes, after which she concludes that something is messed up in the system and I can't get my $25 dollars yet. So now I'm chucking my referral debit card in the garbage and that's that. You win, Sprint, you always do.

Anyways, I was STEAMING about this phone call for awhile, until I remembered this little beauty, courtesy of Cosmo Kramer, from one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes ever. Then I laughed. A lot. Thanks, Kramer. You're the man.