All Apologies

I was going to write a decent post today, but then I killed pretty much my whole lunch break making prop bets for the Super Bowl and that was that. Try not to be angry; it's probably the most fun (although definitely not the most profitable) gambling day of the year. It's a gambler's delight, between stupid prop bets and the ridiculous $1 running bets we all make during the game. (My favorite $1 moment from last year: during this Doritos commercial, when the pug was charging the glass door in slow motion, JDub bet me a buck that he would shatter the glass. I disagreed, and after collecting my dollar while everyone in the room was going nuts, shrugged my shoulders and calmly said, "He just didn't want it bad enough.")

So quickly, here my prop bets this year, $20 apiece:

National Anthem over 1 minute, 35 seconds- I always take the over during the anthem, it's one of the most fun bets on the board.

Coin toss, tails- another bet I make every year, and it seems like somehow I always lose. You'd think this bet would be a coin flip, right? (See what I did there?)

Neither team will score in the first 6 minutes.

First coaches' challenge, Giants.

First made field goal, over 33.5 yards.

Will Madonna wear fishnet stockings at halftime? No. (I have 5% confidence in this bet, which begs the question: why didn't I bet the other way? Because making smart bets is NOT what the Super Bowl is all about.)

Longest TD of game, under 49.5 yards.

Number of Phil Mickelson's birdies will be more than number of Giants' punts. Probably not a good bet, but I just wanna have my boy Phil involved somehow on this glorious day.

Ray Allen +14.5 points over number of Patriots' points. To the layperson, this means that I need Ray-Ray to be within 15 points of the Patriots. So if Jesus Shuttlesworth can go out that afternoon and drop 30, I'll be OK with that.

Wayne Rooney has more goals than Brandon Jacobs has touchdowns. Another sucker bet, but it gives me an excuse to follow the Man U game earlier that day, and I couldn't resist the +320 odds. Damn I love cross-sport prop bets. (If Schneweis' dad was here, he'd apply one of his Hall of Fame quotes to tell me, "You're being dumb right now. You're being dumb just to be dumb.")

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Paul flies in this evening for what promises to be a fantastic weekend (I haven't even talked about KU at Mizzou on Saturday night yet!!!) Accordingly, this has been me since I woke up this morning: Drunk Ron Swanson.

Perhaps not so coincidentally, that is also my favorite website of 2012 so far. It brings me so much happiness. From now on, instead of saying "This is my Excited Face" like I usually do, I think I'm changing it to "This is my Drunk Ron Swanson Face."