Nothing Like A Little Technotronic On A Wednesday

If you all would be so kind, I need a little help settling a bet. A few of the golf course guys and I got into a ridiculous argument the other day, as we are wont to do while golfing/working in the pro shop. While the vast majority of these friendly discussions deal with either sports or movies, this one was music-related. The question: which Technotronic song is better, 'Pump Up the Jam' or 'Move This'?

I've always been partial to 'Pump Up the Jam' myself. Freshman year in the dorms, I used to wake Paul up some mornings by peeling back his home-made bed curtain and dancing to this song; often times he would enthusiastically bounce out of bed and join me. It was all very erotic and sexually confusing. However, the days of wake-up call dance sessions ended violently when, while trying to emulate Christopher Walken in the 'Weapon of Choice' video, I tried to jump on a chair and gracefully tilt it to the ground, and instead face-planted into the floor and nearly kicked the chair into my laptop. (Side note: Paul only had to have a curtain around his bed because I refused to turn off the lights or keep my music quiet until midnight, as back then I steadfastly believed that going to bed before midnight was "like quitting on a day before it was over." So I was kind of a dick. Then again, Paul passed out in the shower and flooded the entire wing; projectile vomited across the entire room; and brought The Most Annoying Girl on the Planet back to our room and made out with her for like seven hours while we played video games five feet away from them....so we'll call it even.)

Just for the record, I don't dislike 'Move This' or anything- nay, I think it's a fantastic song to get down to- I just think 'Pump Up the Jam' is better. It's kind of a Billy Madison, "I disagree. Mortal Kombat is a very good game, but Donkey Kong is better" situation.

So please give me your vote. And don't say "Neither. Technotronic sucks." To paraphrase Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers, you and I both know that Technotronic is a phenomenal group. Now I know you're lying through your teeth.