A Night At Kaufmann

Friday night Alex, Danny, Lane and I went to the Yankees/Royals game at Kaufmann. Any time you can get a hot dog, a pop, a bag of peanuts, an outfield plaza seat, and a chance to boo the Yankees in person, all for just $12, you have to take it. I decided that I would break rule #4 from the book "How Not To Be A Douchebag" which states:

"When attending a sporting event, either wear the apparel of one of the teams that are involved in said sporting event, or don't wear any apparel at all."

I knew there would be a lot of Yankee fans in attendance, so I figured I would wear my Sox hat and my Johnny Damon t-shirt jersey to spice things up. After he signed with the Yanks, I crossed out his name on the back and wrote TRAITOR, which makes for a pretty good conversation piece. This night was no different. Sure enough, our seats are in the middle of Yankee territory. The row directly behind us (about 8 Yankee fans who all came together) see my shirt immediately and begin jabbering. The beginning part of the game goes well, as the Royals overcome early homers by Gay-Rod and Posada to tie it up. Additionally, Damon was obliging my boos by going 0 for his first 3 at-bats. The shit-talking was all good-natured, because I think secretly they loved my shirt, and I feel that I held my own pretty well, considering it was 1 on at least 8 at all times. My favorite exchanges:

After a nice running catch at the wall, the Yankee fans (who, to spite me, have been giving Damon a ton of love all night) give him a standing O. To which I reply, "Great range. Great range. And a great arm, too. Look at that, that was only 4 hops to the cut-off man."

After Damon singled late in the game and received a ton of applause, I got quite a few laughs by telling them, "Yeah. That's what .250 hitters do best: go for 1 for 4."

However, the single greatest moment of the night was (like usual) courtesy of Lane. Before I tell it, let me explain our term "Video Game Voice." In sports video games, you always hear the buzz of the crowd, and every once in a while, you hear someone's voice cut through the hum and yell something, for example: "Let's get it together, Tribe!" or "Jeter doesn't suck! YOU suck!" So since we were little we have called that ability to cut through the buzz and have everyone clearly hear what you yell "Video Game Voice." Lane has always had that ability better than anyone I know, and he puts it to great use. So during a Damon at-bat in the 5th, Lane stands up, and in his best video game voice, announces: "JOHNNY DAMON!!!! YOU HURT MY FRIEND'S FEELINGS AND MADE HIM SAD, AND SO NOW I DON'T CHEER FOR YOU ANYMORE!!!" Brought the house down, especially the people in our area who were aware of my shirt. It must be a nice feeling to have rougly 1/3 of a stadium of people laughing at something you said. So kudos to you, Lane.

So, anyways, the Yanks end up winning, I share handshakes and "See you in the playoffs" with the Yankee fans behind me, and then, curiously, Kaufmann puts on a fireworks show greater than a Grand Forks 4th of July. To celebrate their loss, I guess. However, it does lead to this picture that Danny took, entitled "Lane Goes Ape-Shit Bananas Over The Fireworks." I'm not saying it's the greatest picture of all time, but I'm not saying that it isn't.