Lessons In Life Are Always Learned With A Price

While celebrating both my brother and Russell's birthday last night at the Parrot's Cay, all of us had a very important lesson reinforced. We befriended some girls, one of whom works at the Cay but was off-duty, named Heidi. Our relationship started with her and I battling over who was to be Jukebox Hero, and then digressed into who could play the worst songs to piss off the most people. All good times. Heidi had a friend with her, who was quite good-looking, but it quickly became apparent that this girl, if she somehow failed to find a male companion by the end of the night, would be having sex with the muffler of someone's car in the parking lot. We watched in amusement as she went from table to table, kissing guys and showing anyone who cared how nice her stomach was. When she came our way, I have to say that some of my buddies, who will remain nameless, happened to get a kiss or two. Russell's brother Frank and I took this opportunity to tell this girl what we thought of her. Needless to say she wasn't impressed, but she was too drunk to really care.

Shortly before closing time, things turned ugly. First, Brother's girlfriend Lisa had to be physically restrained after Drunk Slut had some choice words about Lisa's shirt and the amount of cleavage it was showing. A few minutes later, we glance over to see that D.S.'s shirt was completely off. Yep, just sittin there, chillin in her bra. Heidi was successful in getting her to put it back on, much to the dismay of the guys she was sitting with, who were unquestionably in the process of having the draft lottery to see who got their turn first. After a few trips into the guys' bathroom (always the best way to meet a fine gentleman), D.S. stumbled back to her table. As we were advising Heidi to get control of her, Frank, on his way to the door, made some sort of comment as he passed her. D.S. replied by throwing a bottle at him, missing horribly. As the bottle shattered against the wall and the whole bar turned to watch, Frank broke into a dead sprint to the door, while D.S. threw another bottle his way. Predictably, D.S. burst into tears, blaming her psychotic, slutty episode on the fact that her aunt just died. I'm sure her aunt is honored by the tribute she was paid tonight. Anyways, everyone was thrown out, and the night ended terribly for all involved.

The moral of the story: Girls Are Crazy.